Just In Time For Armageddon! My Top 5 Pistol Systems To Survive A Mutant Attack (Not Really...)

I’ve been seeing quite a bit of opinions floating around lately about the so-called ‘best handgun’ on Earth. Given the absurdity of calculating every possible contingency in every possible situation that could occur in a defensive handgun fight, it's ludicrous to assign handguns a numerical value of superiority over one another. That’s like picking which cloud floating over head is better than the ones surrounding it. Does one offer more possibility for rain? A better chance of shade? Or simply more interesting artistic value? Depends on what you’re after.

Similarly, is a twelve-round .40S&W a better gun than a six-shot .44 Magnum? Not if the boogie monster staring you down is a seriously hacked off mama grizzly bear on her period. Is a Taurus PT-25 really useless? Not if it’s all you’ve got and some misanthrope feral human dressed up like Batman just entered your movie theater sporting twin Glock pistols. Context is everything and the variables involved in the uses of firearms for self defense precludes the simple possibility of naming a ‘best’ for all time. The attempt to claim that one has identified ‘The Top Handgun of All Time’ betrays a fundamental lack of understanding about handguns, ammunition and tactics. It also sucks the listener down into a pitifully empty intellectual exercise completely bereft of value. Frankly, it’s a phantom argument and a waste of time; it strongly smacks of the type of drivel that has too frequently appeared on the covers of so many gun rags over the years

However!

Having said that, I do believe there is a place for favorites. Some can be justified; some are simply biological preferences due to the specifics of one’s physical structure, sensory capacities and skill level. I can’t truly explain why the Miami Dolphins have been my favorite team since the 1980’s, since they certainly haven’t provided much in the way of empirical evidence to distinguish themselves or prove their competitiveness, but despite all logic they still hold my professional football heart captive. Guns are like that sometimes and as such I do have my favorites.

If you’ve held on long enough to get to this point in my narcissistic weapons rant, then I’ll get to the firearms part expediently, but I need to clarify a point. What I have listed below as favorites are not individual weapons per se, but weapon systems. It’ll make more sense when you read it, but what I’m pontificating on here is what lines of a particular firearm are, to my sensibilities, the ones I’d want to have on hand if the big, slimy, Bog Goblin of Doom were to darken my door sporting a hellish smile, dripping fangs and swinging his favorite demonic wiffle bat at my coconut.

Perhaps I’ll do a specific list of particular handgun models later, but here now are NOT the empirical ‘best’ handguns ever, but certainly the best for me:

 5. Smith and Wesson 3rd Generation – The midsize and full size range of S&W autos in 3rd Gen guise have a street reputation that is enviable. They have served with thousands of police agencies and done so with distinction. Unlike some pistols that have a strong military heritage, this S&W line was designed from the ground up as a modern platform focused primarily on American street police work and self defense, meaning they were designed to easily accommodate any and all hollow point bullets with ease and were crafted to be handled by the operator on a very frequent basis. Available chamberings run from the ubiquitous 9mm to the 45ACP, the 10mm and .40 Auto. Sure, they can be a bit heavy, but they have one of the best follow up SA trigger pulls you’ll ever find and frankly, they can feed rocks and sticks through the magazine. They do get a small hickie for having those slick one piece grips and a useless magazine disconnect safety, which is why this line got pushed down to #5.  But in terms of firing hot loads very safely, rapidly and reliably, the 3rd Gen is without apologies.

4. Browning Hi-Power

– John Moses Browning’s take on ‘refining’ the 1911 turned out to be brilliant. Apart from the fact that I consider this the most ergonomic handgun ever made, the function of this weapon is a work of art. The elimination of the 1911 grip safety is a plus, as is the simplified lockup system. It can also be argued that this weapon may be more instinctive than the venerable slab sided Colt as well. However, it is a package that, as great as it is, is limited by it’s caliber. Nothing wrong with the 9mm, but aside from some newer versions in .40 Auto, you’re pretty much stuck with a nine-mil envelope. And, like the S&W 3rd Gens, it is hobbled with a magazine disconnect safety, a feature that is a solution in search of a problem. Otherwise, almost 90 years has proven that if one needs a slim, fast firing, single action pistol that is so smooth and intuitive it seems to run on thought control, then the Browning Hi Power is the King.

3. Smith and Wesson N Frame Revolvers – The world does not turn on semi-autos alone. No one is truly undergunned if they’re well trained and armed with one of these six shooters. The fact is, what they may lack in suppressive fire capability, they make up for in reliability and sheer, raw power. When is the last time you ever heard of a S&W revolver malfunctioning? Sure it happens, about as often as we get an honest, national politician. Meaning next to never. And these rugged devils run even when stoked with hot .357, .41 or .44 Magnum loads. Big? Sure. But custom 3” and 4” versions aren’t completely uncommon, and you can even get them chambered in .44 Special, .45ACP or 10mm for lightning fast reloads with full moon clips. Flawless operation, natural shooting characteristics and power that can leave semi-autos behind make these beauties real tools for true professionals. Properly initiated to them, they are world beaters.

2. Colt 1911-A1 – I really don’t need to spend a lot of time here. It’s like arguing about how great the Chevy small block is; its reputation and history speaks for itself. Five major wars, over a hundred years in production and millions of copies later, and it is still laying down the law. Simply put, a tuned 1911 in trained hands is the finest semi-automatic gunfighting pistol on this Earth. Period. The fact they can be had in not only .45ACP but .38 Super, .40 Auto, 9mm, the awesome 10mm and now even .357 Sig means you can stretch its envelope to fit most any ballistic desire, but whatever caliber it comes in, there isn’t a deadlier, more business like pistol to be had. While I love this system to death, my personal preference for ideal carry in a perfect world requires no safety to disengage. Single actions that need to be cocked and locked are great gunfighters for sure, but for me I want the fewest actions necessary to stop a threat, which is ‘draw and fire’. I know training can make this a matter of a fraction of a second, but I prefer two steps to three. Which is why the Colt finished second.

1. Sig Sauer P Series – The Sig P226 is the quintessential handgun. No, it’s not new and it doesn’t sport a trendy polymer frame or some x-theme stamped into its chassis, but it is an efficient, unimaginably reliable, rugged, intuitive and thoroughly competent firearm. Whether it is chambered in a hot 9mm, a brisk .40 Auto or the snappy .357 Sig, it’s hard to imagine a more completely effective and professional handgun. Although ancient by today’s standards of rapid fire development, the P226's older brother the P220 is equally remarkable in terms of handling, user friendliness and instinctive use. And the switch to an external extractor and the updating of some internal pieces years ago made it an even better weapon. It’s as slim as a Hi-Power but delivers bigger artillery shells downrange. The P228 and P229 are excellent ‘smaller-ish’ versions of the P226, even if they seem a bit more on the thick and meaty side. No one will mistake them for lightweight Glocks, but I’d put my life on them for reliability, which is something I would never say about a Glock. The dark horse surprise of the lot is the P225, or known as the P6 to the West German Police during the Cold War. True it’s only an 8 shot 9mm, but I defy anyone to pick one up and shoot it and not come away impressed. It is simply at the top of the world for ergonomics, pointability, rapid fire follow up, ease of concealment and flawless operation. These are, in my opinion, the best series of pistols the world has to offer.

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